Life is a series of fleeting moments. Whether it’s a sunrise, an unexpected interaction with your teenager, a quiet moment with your significant other or your last conversation on this earth with someone you love most. The trick: sometimes you just don’t know when you’re going to miss something until it’s not there anymore. Like, the last time I was able to physically carry Techno to bed. He now stands taller than I in a size 12 men’s shoe in 8th grade. I don’t remember the last time I was able to pick him up off the couch after he’d dozed and carry him to bed. But it’s been years. And I miss it.
I am now knee-deep in these fleeting moments, my dear Reader. Instead of being able to chronicle them in this blog as I have so enjoyed these last three + years, I have been too full of living them. And enjoying almost every moment.
If you want something done, ask a busy person. ~Benjamin Franklin
I am not sure I fully understood this quote until recently. Ten weeks out from a triathlon on my bucket list for 5 years has kept me incredibly busy. Just the thought of it makes my heart beat a little faster. Time management has been of the essence these last four months. Honestly, it has become a part-time job. And it seems the more I have to accomplish in a day, the more I just want to rise to the occasion and get it all done -or curl up in a ball and nap for an entire weekend. Just depends which day you ask me. With it all comes doubts, anxiety and worries – they all creep in from time to time.
Recently, I found myself doing laundry after some training while simultaneously consuming a banana. In the moment it struck me, “You chose this?!” I can’t even sit to get a decent breakfast to nourish my body anymore. I must do it on the fly and while doing chores no less. The next item up was preparing my three-and-a-half-year-old for pre-school, seriously, a Herculean task some days.
And while this random date (of the triathlon) in my universe almost glows with significance on my calendar, it is nothing compared to the reality that there are Moms everywhere who work full-time out of dire necessity and do so many of these things that keep me running and spinning and exhausted.
I have friends and family who are single Moms, who are cancer survivors, whose children are sick or have died, whose spouses have battled illness or whose parents have struggled with disease all while working, raising a family and fighting to make ends meet.
My selfish and deeply individual goal pales in comparison. Yet, every time I am out on the road or swimming in the pool I challenge myself to push through the doubts and fear and to believe with every cell in my body that “I have got this.” It has been humbling to make the parallels of what I am facing now with how it stacks up to the stuff life throws at you. It parallels motherhood on so many levels. The ups, the downs. The endurance through challenges and the will to see it through. The difference being, if I am blessed enough to reach my goal and put it in my rear view mirror come July, I am done. The endurance race of Motherhood never truly ends. Truth be told, eating breakfast over the washing machine probably won’t stop anytime soon either.
My hope is that my children can see their Mom giving her all to a goal and accomplishing it. But even more important to me is that they see their Mom as always committed to each of them and always there for them. Hopefully this is not something that is fleeting. Hopefully it is something that stays with them their whole lives.
And by this time next year, I hope I will look back on this goal, this time in my life and say,
“Remember the time I did that? I miss that.”
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