Author: Titanimom by Jennifer Scheidt

Titanimom by Jennifer Scheidthttp://www.titanimom.com/40-something work from home Mom with a husband and 3 kids living on the edge of stress, bless and a little town I like to call Wineville. I am trying to lift my eyes daily to the amazing and inspired happening within and all around. Celebrating the strength, humor, chaos and love it takes to be a woman and a Mom. Gonna roll with the ups and downs and look for the humor along the way. There will be some, right?? Did I mention I obsessively collect recipes I never make, paper clutter I never make time to organize and dream of ocean air, sand in my toes and the book I'm gonna write? There, now we are acquainted.

Road Trip!

Have you ever had one of these moments where you are struck with the fact “Wow, we didn’t do things this way when I was a kid?!” (insert head scratch here) Yeah? Well, me too. It’s one of my “senior moments” I am now having on the regular. What elicited this now all too familiar response recently?

PROM. DRESS. SHOPPING. All I can say is I made it out alive. Mom win.

So in past years of special occasion dress shopping my daughter and I have tried a variety of ways to find “THE DRESS. ”

There has been the joint venture to the big department store where I stand outside the dressing room and wait for the big reveal of the options, with a twirl and an ooh and an ahh. There has been the online purchase of an option or two and take back the ones that don’t make the cut to the store. More than once, she has gone with one of her girlfriends on her own to try on dresses and send pictures to me real-time for approval. (This one even worked out on THE DAY OF a Homecoming dance one year and stands out as one of my all-time favorite dresses she has worn.) But there has NEVER been a road trip the likes of which we had last weekend, which you are about to enjoy from the comfort of your seat and favorite electronic device. (Boy Moms: sit back and soak this in!)

I knew there would be a childhood friend to pick-up, gas to get and a coffee stop. So I set my alarm, purposefully missing my iron-clad Saturday morning routine of Spin class and geared up for an experience. I had heard rumblings of what this could be like, so I was planning for the worst and hoping for the best.

We left at 8:15 am last Saturday morning to travel across state lines to the Chicago Metro area to visit a store that claims to be one of the largest dress shops in the world. I was told there is typically a line outside the door, so get there early. Well, a little bit of putzing on my part and a line in the coffee drive-thru got us there a few moments past the store opening of 10 a.m. Yep, there was a line!

In my wildest dreams, I did not envision this epic store being in a line-up of stores in a strip mall with a 7-Eleven. And a parking lot to match! There were at least 20-25 Moms and daughters in line already and the parking lot was madness. There were only two exits/entrances. All the spots were filled and at least 5 or 6 cars were trying to go in two different directions to claim a non-existent spot.

I made the quick decision to drop off the girls to stand in line while I circled the block. As I turned right out of the parking lot I realized we were very close to the airport and I was NOT going to be finding ANY parking that way. Meanwhile my daughter called me on the phone to let me know if I hurried her and her friend were physically standing in a newly opened-up parking spot waiting for my return.

Oh the other Mom’s in their SUV’s are gonna love this! I thought. But as I rationalized, I had been there previously with no spots and I was okay with using the resources available to me (the girls!) to get us into the store! Ha!

So I hurried back to the store, watched them fend off two other cars and slide into a spot made for a compact car with MY SUV! (Brave move, Mama!) And I hoped and prayed my car would not get keyed!

The girls got inside and there was a flurry of activity. Store employees dressed in all black, running around with ear pieces, assisting those who had been lucky enough to land in the first “wave” of available dressing rooms. (They have 30 rooms to try on dresses!) We were numbers 55 and 56.

The Rules: Each gal got 3 dresses to find and pass off to an employee. If you pre-shopped online you could try and make a beeline for the dress you wanted or go to their designated area for printing off the dresses you wanted. You waited for your number to be called. Then once called, you got 50 minutes to work with an employee to try on your dresses and make way for the next wave of gals who wanted their crack at the dressing rooms.

Now truth be told, we have had amazing luck in past years with finding a dress in a reasonable price range we can live with. THIS year, all bets were off and I was getting ready for the sticker shock. It’s not that we were not willing to be resourceful and shop around locally but after doing all of that we were still out of luck so that is how we ended up on this escapade.

We waited and watched 54 other gals try on their dresses and one by one come out of the dressing room to twirl and spin. We picked our faves, decided which ones we would totally pass on and wondered when it would be our turn. FINALLY by almost Noon the girls got in! Score!

It was so fun watching them show off their combined six dresses. These two have known each other since birth. And I could not believe they were standing there almost 18 years old and getting ready to Prom and graduate and go off to college. Blink!

The funniest thing was at the end of it all, the employee assigned to each gal brings them a metal shopping basket with a handle and tells them to stuff all of their belongings in it so they can re-locate to ANOTHER set of dressing rooms to change back into their street clothes. This way not a minute is wasted in getting more girls in the fitting rooms. It was hilarious watching her parade through the store with her things in a basket while wearing a formal, sequined gown!

Yes I did choke at the price. But in my daughter’s defense, her dress was the least choking of the prices of the three dresses. So THAT was a win. It needs a simple alteration at a local seamstress and she will be good to go. We were starving after all of this, so we went across the street to a 50+ year Chicago hot dog establishment where I proceeded to reward myself with literally 50 pounds of Italian Beef. Done!

I wouldn’t trade it for anything and 7 hours later, we were back home. Whew!

How’s that for a road trip?

Are you in the midst of experiencing some challenges in your life or are you finding yourself on a new path? Have you been inspired to move towards some growth for yourself? Request my new Jumpstart to Clarity resource here: https://mailchi.mp/bbd8dfc41edd/jumpstart-to-clarity

© Jennifer Scheidt and Titanimom, 2022. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jennifer Scheidt and Titanimom with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Most Unexpected Connection

When I started blogging almost nine years ago, I was just entering a new decade, turning back the clock on Motherhood, starting over again (after an 8-year hiatus) with a beautiful new baby and in the thick of motherhood: https://titanimom.com/2013/03/22/forty-and-fearless-2/ This was a space to enjoy one of my lifelong passions of writing. It has always lit me up. Reading other’s words that are so relatable to my own stage of life or a new perspective that hasn’t been considered is pure gold to me. And when I am able to make the time to craft something myself, it is incredibly therapeutic to write. Sometimes taking a step back, considering a particular experience and reflecting helps make more sense of what is going on in my life. And without a doubt this collection of entries has been a love letter to my kids. It’s a chronicle of their growing up over the better part of a decade.

I was only able to make time for one entry in all of 2021. I must have had at least 100 ideas throughout the year of things I wanted to get out of my head, things I thought would be of value to others, but in the minutiae of the days and weeks and months, it never happened. This came from https://titanimom.com/2020/12/27/im-not-finished-with-you-yet-2020/ and was a recap of 2020: “The year brought unease, confusion, disruption and anger. And yet, overwhelming abundance, renewed strength, clarity and lots of love. These things all exist together. And one can’t appreciate the good without the bad. And the longer I live, the more examples I have of the resilience that lives within to weather such ups and downs.”

Didn’t everyone have the perspective that 2020 would be so much better? It just had to be, right? And yet, 2021 took my precious Mother, very unexpectedly, with little warning and way too soon. I won’t launch into the heartbreaking details of what transpired in this space. But as those who have lost a loved one they were incredibly close to know, it goes without saying a corner has been turned, there is no going back and things will forever be altered.

No big plans to ring in the new year yesterday. Staying close to home and enjoying a cozy evening in front of the fire was where my heart was at. But I did go to the Zoo with most of my crew yesterday. We bundled up and took a stroll around to see what animals we could find braving the cold. One of the most unexpected things happened while I was there: I was able to connect with an animal who, in the most unlikely of places, symbolized to me exactly what I was feeling.

Now this picture is from a previous visit. I had no presence of mind yesterday to snap a picture of the creature I connected with. It was just too impactful to do anything else but stare in wonder and just take in the moment. One of the lionesses just roared. I stopped in my tracks and just stared at her. She continued to roar for a few moments. Very unexpectedly, tears started forming in my eyes. I could not fully understand why I was having this reaction. And as I pondered it further, I concluded that it just felt like if I was capable, it would be something I would want to do and for some length of time. Let it all out – declare the utter resolve, grief, hope, anger and love for what came before, what is and what is yet to be.

I delved into what different meanings a lion’s roar can have. And one of the things I settled on that I liked most was a roar can be a sign of strength and health. There have been many moments since her passing that I have felt like I am clawing and scratching for my strength and health. Yet others filled with brilliant joy and understanding. Just as quickly as one set of emotions can overtake me, so can another set of emotions far more desirable. (I have tried to warn those closest to me that I am all over the map and just try and roll with me!) And the more it happens the more faith I have that things will eventually balance out.

So as a new year starts (and if you have been a reader you know I do not do new year’s resolutions! https://titanimom.com/2020/01/01/no-resolutions-here/) I have contemplated what my focus will be and I have arrived at Trust. Trust that things are working out as they should, that through all the ups and downs there will be balance and things will come back to center, trust that someday this might make a shred of sense and trust that my health and strength are present, reliable and abundant.

Are you in the midst of experiencing some challenges in your life or are you finding yourself on a new path? Have you been inspired to move towards some growth for yourself? Request my Jumpstart to Clarity resource here: https://mailchi.mp/bbd8dfc41edd/jumpstart-to-clarity

Brain Break

Last year my second grader had a brain break built into her school day. As I had been told, she could utilize a free pass once a day in order to take a break. How smart is that?

I feel like we all could use a collective brain break daily.

This year her school is focusing on carving out time to share lessons on the topic of Mindfulness.

So, what is mindfulness? I had to look it up to really confirm what I thought it meant and gain a better understanding.

Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. … When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future. ~Greater Good Magazine

Sounds amazing to me.

I am encouraged by the efforts and the evolution that has occurred in school since my oldest was in Kindergarten in the early 2000’s. It’s staggering how much has occurred since then within our world, within our kids. So much that continues to evolve and develop.

I was in my regular yoga practice yesterday and the leader of the practice encouraged all of us to take our nostalgia in small doses.

What?

I love nostalgia. Isn’t that what many are craving right now? Doesn’t it somehow feel like the macaroni and cheese or mashed potatoes comfort food? The ooey gooey chocolate cake? The jam on your mix tape?

But at second glance the idea is rooted in some serious wisdom. If we are focused on the past or worried about the future we miss ALL that is happening right now. And there are some pretty amazing things happening in small moments and historical moments every.single.day.

I don’t want to miss them.

I don’t want to miss this.

Take a brain break.

My daughters and I enjoying some tech-free time on the Pacific Ocean

© Jennifer Scheidt and Titanimom, 2021. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jennifer Scheidt and Titanimom with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

I’m not finished with you yet, 2020.

“You were always here and yet I see you for the first time”. ~Hua Zhou, Mulan

This quote from the movie Mulan really struck a chord with me. Mulan’s father apologizes to his daughter after she returns from her epic battle against Northern Chinese invaders and laments that his foolish pride drove her away.

If 2020 taught me anything, overwhelmingly it is to be grateful for every day, every moment – good or bad – and every breath. New day (after new day), you’ve been here all along. But collectively, I think we all see you in a very different light.

We spent Christmas day in a movie marathon such as I can’t recall. In year’s gone by there were family events to make. This year was a multitude of drives by for my husband’s family. A honk from the driveway or the street and a wave was the sum total of celebration. But the act of doing it, making the effort and sharing the sentiments was heart warming. And one could say, what a blessing that it wasn’t a nursing home or hospital window, because it could just as easily could have been.

Usually I can’t sit still. I am cleaning, shopping, exercising, working, counseling, writing, mediating, driving, or coordinating. The thought of looking around at the abundance of mess and gift wrappings, crumbs and dishes and looking the other way towards my family and our time together was delicious. We watched four movies. Some came and went. Some watched them in their entirety. But the moratorium on everyone on their devices for some reason or another, and the living room furniture and floor filled with my family was precious.

The year brought unease, confusion, disruption and anger. And yet, overwhelming abundance, renewed strength, clarity and lots of love. These things all exist together. And one can’t appreciate the good without the bad. And the longer I live, the more examples I have of the resilience that lives within to weather such ups and downs.

And now I am to the point in my Motherhood journey that I am watching my teenagers weather their own ups and downs. And the desire to protect them from every heartache and sadness, difficult as it is to witness, has dimmed. How can they have perspective, wisdom and resilience without some?

I hope to take the lessons of this unimaginable year and carry them with me into 2021 and let the best of the best remain and the worst of the worst re-shape.

For me, this is not goodbye, 2020.

Wandering and pondering in December by Lake Michigan

© Jennifer Scheidt and Titanimom, 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Jennifer Scheidt and Titanimom with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Thanksgiving 2020: One to Remember

Yesterday started with utter excitement to welcome home my college Freshman. Day’s long preparations for a small Thanksgiving celebrated at our home. Thoughts of what it would be like at the end of the day to hug my son who I haven’t seen in almost 3 months. It was a big deal. 18 years with no more than a week separating us maybe once a year and then almost 3 months elapsed! It was surreal.

I have never been more grateful.

A successful 8+ hour surgery for my Godfather kicked off the week. He has a long road ahead of him. But his mindset and positive outlook have amazed me throughout his illness. And he is being rewarded with fast healing. The nurse said she hadn’t seen anyone be moved out of ICU as quickly as he for a surgery of its kind. Hopefully a speedy return to his home and family is imminent.

I have never been more grateful.

You may have heard the saying, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. When I have the ability to move my body and get my heart rate up, I relish it. I took a yoga class recently and the instructor guided us to lay on the mat at the end of class and “melt” into the mat after a successful practice. To be honest it made my eyes leak a little. I was diagnosed with a musculoskeletal condition almost 25 years ago that has made things a little challenging for me to say the least. At the end of the Summer osteoarthritis was added to the list. I spend a fair amount of time mitigating discomfort and don’t move near as fast as I used to. But everytime I look forward to Yoga, cycling or a brisk walk like the one I was able to enjoy with a friend yesterday I am reminded that for Today, I get to move. It means everything to me. Keep passing the Tylenol!

I have never been more grateful.

A career I love and the opportunity to help others, to encourage and lift up other women, many of whom have never experienced the kind of support, encouragement and recognition our organization provides is so gratifying. And the impact that these women have had on me personally and professionally is simply priceless.

I have never been more grateful.

Today we will celebrate under our roof, all my birds in the nest (plus one more bird!) with my family and my parents. This pandemic, this alternate reality we all find ourselves living through has greatly altered what this holiday typically looks like for almost everyone. But it’s given me the opportunity to create something in our home that typically we don’t have the opportunity to do. And scale back. And slow down. And take the time to reflect on how far we’ve come. And appreciate with so much more perspective that Today is what we have. Today is a miracle.

And I have never been more grateful.

Words

Have you ever had a compliment immediately bubble to the surface only to be dismissed as irrelevant or taking too much time to share? Happens to me a fair amount. I will be out and about – could be the grocery store, at church, in the gym or walking outside – and I see something I find beautiful or sweet and I just internally smile and keep walking.

Now more than ever we are craving connection and purpose. If we are not here to give away our gifts and help others in need and make this path we are all walking just a little bit easier, then what are we here for?

The other night my Dad’s football team he has rooted for his entire life was a headliner for Monday night football. It just happened to be a jackpot night for all of us as I actually had a decent family meal planned and with the exception of my college Freshman (see https://titanimom.com/2020/04/16/senior-year-a-cliffhanger/,) we were all going to be home to enjoy it together. We invited my Dad over to sit by the fire and watch the first half. (Now mind you, this demonstrates what a great bond my husband and his Father-in law have and props go to my husband as my Dad’s team is half of the oldest rivalry in football and from my husband’s perspective he roots for the OTHER guy!)

So dinner was almost ready and my Father knocks on the back door only to be greeted by my youngest daughter. She gives him the sweetest hug at her full stature which is somewhere with her nose in his midsection. She exclaims “Dzia Dzia (JAH-jah, the americanized Polish version for Grandpa) you always smell so good!”

The look on my Dad’s face was just one of pure love, appreciation – mixed with surprise – for the utterly sweet declaration. It was precious.

It took less than 5 seconds. And I know it was impactful beyond my words here.

Because of the two players in this story, and a similarity with my own experience almost 30 years ago, it reminded me of my Grandfather (also with a different endearing term, Pappy) when I was a High School senior.

I took my boyfriend and Senior Prom date over to my Grandparent’s house to show off our finery and stop in for a visit. When I moved in to give him a kiss and a hug, he said “You sure smell pretty Jenny.” (If you knew me before 1991 you called me Jenny.)

To this date almost 30 years later I will never forget what he said to me. Pappy was sick with cancer and ended up succumbing to the disease about a month after this visit. To my recollection, I think this was one of the last things he ever said to me.

We don’t know about tomorrow. We have today and the words we can choose now. Make a choice to share the best of them and have this kind of everlasting impact when it really matters.

Are you in the midst of experiencing some challenges in your life or are you finding yourself on a new path? Have you been inspired to move towards some growth for yourself? Request my new Jumpstart to Clarity resource here https://mailchi.mp/bbd8dfc41edd/jumpstart-to-clarity

11.11.11

I am not versed in numerology. But this seems like a pretty auspicious date, wouldn’t you say? This is the day I found out our family of 4 was going to be expanding to welcome one more. That little lady is going to be eight years old already tomorrow. And I am reflecting on the circumstances that surrounded this stunning news.

My two older children were eight and ten years old at the time she was born. I was inches from heading into a new decade. Things were kind of on auto pilot and we were in a groove.

I now laugh at how anxious I was to go back and do it all over again. I remember lamenting to my husband “I don’t want to be friends with the 27 year olds!” I am one of the older Moms. I have a recent high school graduate and an incoming Junior who just got her driver’s license. My husband will be Medicare-eligible by the time she graduates from High School…and I’ll be nipping at his heels. But how many times in the last nine years have I heard “She will keep you young!”? Too many to count.

Her arrival expanded my heart, opened my world wider, humbled me and allowed me to become more mindful and more of who I was meant to be.

There is a path you are on and you get comfortable there. In my experience, comfortable is never a place I can nor desire to stay very long. And the arrival of my youngest put me so far out of my comfort zone and yet so comfortably in a space I needed to be in.

Time slowed. For the first time I felt like I knew what the word wisdom meant. And the four of us could not remember what life had been like before she came along. And we didn’t want to.

Too soon for my comprehension our family will be forever changing as we launch our son to his next adventure of college. All too soon thereafter our daughter will be following suit. And then there will be three. She will help us hang on to the identity that we have lived and breathed as parents for so many years. And help us to stay connected to her youthfulness and spunk. Life sure got more interesting eight years ago. And I am forever grateful for the curve in the road she brought.

Mother’s Day 2020

Recently a comment jumped out at me on social media about this time our world is in. It stated something to the effect of “not everything has to be transformative. Just survival is good enough”.

This has stuck with me for weeks. I guess it depends on how you look at your own life and what we are here for. This experience has produced much isolation, suffering, depression and sadness no doubt. I am ever mindful of this and grateful for my blessings.

Have I taken time to eat badly, gain weight, binge watch, be down and confused by it all? Yes.

But I guess at the end of the day, I am here to be transformed. No matter the circumstance. Whether it be hindsight 20/20 or an in-the-moment club over the head of insight…I am here to improve my capacity for learning, wisdom and experience. And it’s my responsilbility to share it with others and to serve in my best capacity. Yes, I want to survive, but I crave being able to THRIVE.

I am a Mother. And this new and strange journey with all of my children these last 7 weeks has been one of great reflection, observation and inspiration. We have done our best to thrive together.

A drive-by birthday celebration for my Father.

New places to complete homework (in an unseasonably warm, early Spring day)

Mixed in with creativity and fresh air.

The Moms are doing the home schooling, communicating with teachers, coordinating the virtual play dates, exercising, online shopping, working from home, working outside of the home, sanitizing, cleaning, coordinating different kinds of celebrations, keeping it together and being hopeful, modeling strength and positivity. This is transforming me the most.

I want my kids to be able to thrive. They are missing out on a lot of traditional things we take for granted. And some very important rites of passage. But I would much rather try to help them with focusing on the positive and working through ways to overcome and adapt than just using every day as a means to “wait it out” until whatever new normal we will return to.

The homemade cards today, my favorite french toast and sweet smiles and hugs is showing me we are transforming together and thriving.

Happy Mother’s Day to all who mother. Next year at this time we will have come so far.

Senior Year…a cliffhanger

The big hair and bangs. The scrunchies. Vanilla Ice, Ice Baby and Pretty Woman. Some pop culture things I remember from my Senior year.

The parties, Senior skip day, spring break, prom and graduation – for some even working your first jobs…all rights of passage for Seniors.

Since the “safer at home” order I had an intuition this day would come. And even though I have been preparing for it, the news hit me quite a bit harder than I had anticipated today.

School is closed for the remainder of this year.

Senior year for my son and his classmates has become like the show you watched that didn’t get picked up for another season…what happened?! They left me hanging! No closure. It just faded to black…

The kids my son grew up with were born during the time of 9/11. In their Senior year the unforseen and unprecedented global health crisis that is unfolding every day places the cap on the end of their youth. It is like a surreal dream. I know there are SO many sacrificing so much. I keep snapping my thoughts back to this reality and the repeated realization that one person’s problem with this situation pales in comparison with another and we are ALL not alone.

However, today – THIS day – it sinks in hard and I can’t brush it aside. I am going to be sad for my first-born. The things that will not be. The graduation somehow orchestrated or ?? For all the Moms and Dads of the Class of 2020, this pity party is for you and your seniors today. Want an invite?

Tomorrow will be time for the forward-looking hope that something wonderful is on the other side of this unexplainable loss. History is being written for the books right now and generations to come. THIS generation is on the brink of a new way of life, new issues to face and new ways in which to manage them.

I do wonder what my son’s reflections will be on this when he is decades out of high school like his Mom. What lessons learned now will drive where he and his classmates go in the future?

There is some grief I don’t want to overlook or deny. But it’s also my responsibility to make sure that I honor it and let it pass. That is what I would want my son to do so he doesn’t waste a minute being anything less than excited and hopeful for what awaits him around the next corner. The sun will rise (presumably!) tomorrow and we will look forward to the pilot episode of the next chapter. I know in my heart it’s going to be a good one. We may even binge watch.

New Habits

Got on the scale this morning and to my shock the number was something higher than I had seen in about 20 years (minus an impending birth of one of my three kids) OUCH! I mean seriously, I was stunned. It takes about 21 days to build a habit. And well, here we are… I am building habits, people!

I am in the habit of looking for Easter chocolates at lunch, dinner and beyond. I am in the habit of binge watching my favorite show every night with one of my ultimate snacking weaknesses, pretzel pieces – cheddar please – and a glass of red wine nearby. I am in the habit of deciding it’s a better idea to stay up til midnight (watching said shows) and pull the covers over my head far too many cold mornings than I should rather than taking a brisk walk before home schooling my second grader begins.

“The new normal”, a common phrase right now. This is my new normal. And I am raising the white flag right now. I need to make some changes!

Some of the habits I do not want to change:

resurrecting Harry Potter and reading it aloud as my little discovers it
baking with my sophomore and cooking dinners with my senior
walks alone where I can breathe and think and pray
phone calls to my parents and siblings replacing endless streams of texts in between all the busy
more family dinners together
board games
time to journal and write
mailing more letters
living for today

In my heart I know there is no going back. Just like our worlds were forever altered in some capacity after 911, this global emergency will leave a long-lasting mark. The bell can’t be unrung. But out of all this new habits have formed that I know will leave long-lasting marks that I want to be left.