Forty and fearless? I’m not so sure about that. But I sure would like to TRY…why not? Having been welcomed to “the club” by many family and friends this past Friday maybe it is time to keep with this theme and shake my life up a little bit.

I have already been pregnant at 39 with my third child -a surprise blessing. THAT was terrifying. If you would have told me a couple years ago I would be celebrating my 40th birthday with a glass of red wine in my right hand and a cooing, smiling 8 month-old on my left hip I would have been sure to laugh loud – and long. Not me. But wait for it…it IS me.

How amazing that I am doing this all over again. We call her Little Bee. She is full of personality, very vocal and has a smile that goes on for days. She hates sitting in her car seat, sucks on her socks and can jump her way to sleep. My
husband adores her. My older son and daughter are a great help with her. I am smitten.

Life has changed drastically. I am a work-at-home Mom who rarely has time to work my business anymore. I do not have a presence in my older children’s schools anymore. Field trips go on without me. My time spent in stores is touch and go depending on her mood. And to be honest many days it just seems like more work to go out and manage in the cold than to stay home and be comfortable. It can be isolating and lonely.

How do I forge a fearless path? A good start is finding new experiences that  we both can share. I admit I have been a little overwhelmed finding a new  routine this winter. I am still settling in to my groove with this new little  person, let alone the implications of what being an older Mom will mean for  me. Do I see myself chumming around with the 27-year-olds at pre-school? It is hard to get my arms around that. Do I feel like sitting through story time at the library again? I’m not sure. Play dough, puzzles, dress-up and the alphabet? Will the Mama mojo really come back?

It was surreal hearing the opening strains of “Come and play, everything’s A-Ok…” Yet Sesame Street still captivates my two older children. And it is so fun remembering when it was first new to them.

As time passes, me and Little Bee will find our way together. What is old may be new again. Or we inevitably will discover our own new way of doing things. As each day melts quickly in to the next, I have a feeling there won’t be time for fear. Too many dishes, piles of laundry, dance recitals, basketball games,
picnics, bike rides, bedtime stories, kisses, hugs and meals to plan.

I’ve dreamed about writing again since my son was just a few months old. He is now almost 11. It nearly freaks me out to post this piece after so many years of my thoughts never actually making it to paper. You know, too busy being a Mom and all. But hey, it’s a new world. I am 40 and fearless now.