Fear

Watching your kids in pain sucks. Whether it’s emotional or physical, it is hard to watch. This past Monday was a day I was mildly dreading for weeks. Twinkle was scheduled to have a minor issue taken care of at the Doctor. A small in-office procedure. Some BIG anxiety. Some hand holding.

It would hurt. There would be some aftercare. The afternoon would take a turn. Comfort food and awful Disney shows would rule the rest of the day.

Weeks before when the appointment was booked I struggled with how much to reveal. Do I warn her of the certain pain? When do I bring it up? How honest did I want to be?

After talking with a couple of friends in the same boat years ago and getting all the skinny, I was a little more concerned about how Twinkle would handle it.

A homemade card Twinkle received from a friend

I found myself trying to temper my honesty with some good old-fashioned Pollyanna attitude. Could she see right through it? Was I just making it worse? After all, my daughter gets worked up about stuff. The apple does not fall far from this tree. The stewing, the worst-case scenarios, the anticipation. Yep, PhD here.

However, it dawned on me…the last few years have produced a few things on my anxiety and worry hit list. I have also had the good fortune to be an observer of some amazing people in my life handle some of their own setbacks, adversity and heartbreak.

It’s a classic “if I had known then what I know now” life would be so much easier. This was the day some of that tried and true Mom wisdom just tumbled out of me. It really felt like I turned a corner as a Mom too.

Sheltering my not-so-little girl from pain has been my “MO” for her entire life. That is my job, right? Well, as it finally had to hit me someday, it’s not anymore.

Ice likes to make fun of me and say “Bubble wrap…” That’s all he says. And I know he means I have two choices. I can wrap my kids in it. Or let them live – warts and all. Usually I just ignore him and move on with my coddling and helicoptering.

But today the shield came down. It suddenly became this experience that I wanted to impart how much stronger she would be on the other side. How so much of what happens in life comes down to a healthy dose of perspective. The reality is there are a lot worse predicaments you could be in than this. Blah blah blah. Am I an after-school special now?

It may have fallen on deaf ears for the most part. But wouldn’t it be great it if didn’t?

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I am sitting on the precipice of a huge waterslide. The view down is obscured by the fact that the drop on the slide is so steep that you can’t even see where the slide ends. The water is rushing by. The people behind me are waiting to take their turn. The water slide operator (who has this job??) is smiling at my fear. And my husband is egging me on. We are in the Bahamas at the Atlantis resort on a MUCH anticpated vacation for the two of us.

I can’t do it. I thought I was brave enough. I was all puffed up and ready to go. No problem…Seriously?!

Okay breathe. You got this. Afterall, this slide is called the Leap of Faith. And it was the ONE thing you swore you would check off on this trip. So what is happening? You are finally here. THIS is the moment. You are frozen in fear.

Like the woman training for her first marathon with doubts about the experience. Will she finish last? Will she injure herself in some way? Or the friend on the precipice of a divorce from an abusive relationship. Can she take that first scary step? How will her children cope? Is she doing the right thing?

These forks in the road occur all the time in daily life. For each woman who faces them there is the inevitable moment of feeling all alone. When the urge to turn back, stop in your tracks or take your ball and go home is just too strong.

What makes that moment pass? I asked myself that question recently when talking a friend through a scary, anxiety-filled event coming up. And for some reason I flashed back to this moment on the slide and how it felt. How I felt was so similar to what my friend was experiencing- anxious, scared and pondering “what will happen on the other side?”

Well what happened was I could not wait to go up to the top and ride down again!

Aren’t so many moments in life like this? You take a deep breath, calm yourself and take a Leap of Faith. I hope she can’t wait to do it again.