“Ready to Let Go of the Steering Wheel”

I’m ready, ready for the laughing gas
I’m ready, I’m ready for what’s next
I’m ready to duck, I’m ready to dive
I’m ready to say ‘I’m glad to be alive’
I’m ready for the push
In the cool of the night
In the warmth of the breeze
I’ll be crawling around
On my hands and knees

Zoo Station
Zoo Station

I’m ready, ready for the gridlock
I’m ready for what’s next
I’m ready for the shuffle, ready for the deal
Ready to let go of the steering wheel
I’m ready for the crush…

Achtung Baby U2 Album Cover

Achtung Baby U2 Album Cover

Driving down the freeway on an errand with my 11-year old son Techno, iPod blaring Zoo Station*, I was sharing with him the finer points of one of my favorite bands of all-time, U2 .

As with most music lovers you can hear a song and immediately place yourself in that moment when you first heard it or when you enjoyed it most. In my case, 18 years old, just heading off to a big college, experiencing freedom that I had never had before and loving every second.  Listening to this album (yes we used to call them albums not CD’s!) in a bar or a dorm room having no knowledge that it would strike me on the freeway more than twenty years later, just one lyric, and bring tears to my eyes and a flutter in my heart. Beside my son no less. Okay, get a grip, girl and take it down a notch!

For months Ice and I have been going through the arduous process to become licensed to foster and ultimately adopt a child. To us a boy whose name we don’t know with a face we can’t place.  A boy who is looking for a forever family that just might be smack in the middle of ours.

In and of itself this concept is almost unbelievable to me.  Wait, not almost, it IS.  For those that know me and just watched me go through a spectrum of craziness even I did not know I was capable of it would appear kind of unbelievable to them as well I could imagine.

It started with 11-11-11, or as I like to call it “Freaky Friday”, the date I found out at age just-shy-of-39 that I was pregnant with my third baby, Little Bee. A wonderful, magical blessing for SURE. Age difference between her two older siblings: eight and ten years. Idea that this was the plan for me at this stage in my life: NOT.A.CLUE.

Me and my Shadow

Little Bee is now 19-months old.  Without a doubt she is one of the single BEST adventures that life has taken me on. Okay, so maybe God does know what he is doing. If I wasn’t sure before, mine eyes have been opened and the light is blinding!

Ice and I had contemplated fostering a child before.  He had successfully mentored two brothers through Big Brothers/Big Sisters for well over a decade.  He worked in a building where an agency that places children into foster homes had office space.  Being in commercial construction his company did work for this agency when they needed construction services.  But for me I do not think it was anything more than something really amazing to imagine.  I didn’t really think we would actually DO it.

Little Bee came along and it kind of sealed the deal for me. Fostering a child would most definitely not happen now.  My world was turned upside down (in the most amazing way) with the arrival of this gorgeous little person. It just didn’t feel right then.

Time marched on. Routines were established (or at least feeding and bathing her, not necessarily me!) And life resumed its ebb and flow.  The idea hung low in my brain, like a fog. Lingering. Or like a whisper in my ear.

Then one day I was standing in line waiting to enter a dance performance for my nine-year-old daughter, Twinkle Toes and another whisper demanded to be heard.

The people standing in front of me had a four-month-old baby in their arms.  His name was Jake. Through a brief conversation I found out that he would be leaving them soon – to be adopted.  Realization washed over me.  They were foster parents.  This was their ONE HUNDRED and TWELFTH BABY. Speechless.

I immediately texted Ice and shared that the whisper was getting louder.  We needed to talk.

That was nine months ago, odd.  Nine months. We are now almost finished with the four-month process to be certified to receive placement of a child.   We are looking for a boy between the ages of three and seven years.

It’s taken me awhile to collect and sort out my thoughts to write about this newest adventure. It is stressful and anxiety-ridden in its own way.  There have been moments where I really have questioned if I can handle this.  And I am positive there will be more moments.  Not a reason not to do it.  Especially after feeling somehow led to do it.  But still.  Life is sure to change again in a big way and in ways I can’t even imagine as of yet. But what I learned from my experience with Little Bee that I could have ONLY learned after she blessed our lives…

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright
It’s alright… it’s alright… it’s alright… It’s alright

Hey baby… hey baby… hey baby… hey baby…
It’s alright, it’s alright*

This is what I am choosing to remind myself day after day. And even when I forget to let go of the wheel, there are amazing people around me that remind me as well.

View out my kitchen window last week

View out my kitchen window last week

Stay tuned…there will most surely be more to come!

*Excerpt of Lyrics from Zoo Station by U2,1991

6 thoughts on ““Ready to Let Go of the Steering Wheel”

    • I keep hearing the word courage from people and I do not know if I consider this a courageous endeavor. Maybe after we’re further down the road, I will have a different opinion! But I sure am anxious to see how things unfold. Thanks for your kind words.


  1. Mary LaBarre says:

    Hi! I’m a friend of your mom’s from high school and she and your dad were instrumental in finding me the best husband a girl could ask for. Talk about history! I love this blog and you are a natural writer. Can’t wait for the next installment and to hear all about the child you foster and how he brings joy to your family.


    • Of course I know you, Mary! Your name was mentioned in my house since forever 🙂 My parents were good matchmakers. Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate the kind words so much. Be well.


  2. Debbie says:

    I enjoy everything you write, I always have. You were destined for great things, my friend. Keep the pen in hand and let go of the wheel! Xo


Talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s